Значение знаешь?

>>364521 по смишнее анекдотов нет?

ahahahhaha

>>364526 A man who had just died is delivered to a local mortuary....

and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.' The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, 'There's no charge.' 'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,' she says. 'Honestly, ma'am,' the mortician says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.' 'So I just switched the heads.'

>>364523 Putin decreed that all time zones in Russia be unified.

After this had occurred, the Prime Minister approached him.

"Dearest Putin, I had a problem. I called my relatives in the east to wish them good night, and they told me they were on the beach enjoying the sun."

"And then I called my family in Kaliningrad to wish them a happy holiday, and they said the holiday was already over."

"And then I called Xi Jinping to wish him a happy new year, and he said 'what, it's still the old year'."

Putin nodded his head sympatheticly, saying:

"I, too, have had these kinds of problems. I called Prigozhin's family to offer them condolences, but it turned out but his plane had not even take off yet."

>>364526 A man is walking with his child on the street when a tourist approaches him asking

"Parlez vous francais?" Our man looks surprised and says nothing. The tourist changes the language:

"Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" Again, no response. The tourist tries his luck once more:

"Habla español?" Seeing that he receives no answer, the tourist moves on.

The child, a 10-year-old boy, says to his father with enthusiasm,

"Dad, did you see how many foreign languages that man knew?" The father leans down to the child and says, - "Yes, so? It didn't help much, did it?"

>>364523 A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It's just a head...

Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it's a struggle, but they manage... and they love and treat their son like any other normal kid. Well, as much as possible.

On the day of their son's 21st birthday, the father decides to take his son for his first official real drink as an adult. So they go to the local pub, where the father proudly puts the head on the bar and orders two shots of the finest. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing, but goes and gets the drinks.

The father takes the drinks, cheers the glasses together, and takes down his shot while pouring it into his son's mouth. Lo and behold, the head starts wiggling and shaking and suddenly, dramatically, it sprouts an entire torso!!

"What the hell!?", screams the dad... "Bartender!! Two more shots!!"

And they do it again, and the torso and head start wiggling and shaking and BOOM, the son sprouts two arms!!

"Unbelievable!!", screams the dad... "Two more shots!!!"

And this time, of course, the son, delirious with happiness, does his own shot... and the subsequent shaking and wiggling leads to him instantly sprouting two legs!!

"Two more shots!!", screams the dad!!

"Holy shit!! Wait!!", screams the son, "Look! I can walk!! I can run!!" -- and with that, the son goes running out the door, straight into traffic, and gets obliterated by a bus.

"Hmmm... ", says the bartender... "Should've quit while he was a head."

>>364532 There is another way this joke goes.

On the boys 21st birthday, his mother gets a call from his doctor that they have an athlete's body that just came available, and they can attach her son's head to the new body.

She runs to her son's room, "Happy Birthday dear. I have a wonderful surprise for you"

"I HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING HAT"

>>364530 ок

>>364526 по смишнее анекдотов нет?

Ты блять ахуел, я с Реддита выковыриваю самую мякотку, а ты еще привередничаешь! Хрен тебе анекдоты тогда, сам ищи.

yet another one though

>>364526 Two economists are walking in a forest when they Come across a pile of shit.

Two economists are walking in a forest when they Come across a pile of shit.

The first economist says to the other "Ill pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit." The second economist takes the $100 and eats the pile of shit.

They continue walking until they come across a second pile of shit. The second economist turns to the first and says "l pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit." The first economist takes the $100 and eats a pile of shit.

Walking a little more, the first economist looks at the second and says, "You know, I gave you $100 to eat shit, then you gave me back the same $100 to eat shit. can't help but feel like we both just ate shit for nothing." "That's not true", responded the second economist. "We increased the GDP by $200!"

>>364540 There were two economists who were shipwrecked on a desert island. Over the next twenty years they made 124 million dollars selling their hats to each other.

>>364541 What do plumbers, garbagemen and economists all have in common? They all deal with gross domestic product.

In a restaurant, Morgunov could approach the head waiter, with a swift movement show a red book under his nose and in a tone that brooks no objection, mysteriously whisper: “Put my table so that I can see those two, but they can’t see me.” A minute later, Evgeny Alexandrovich was already sitting at a served table with good visibility of the indicated objects. The artist took out a small notebook from his pocket and from time to time wrote something intently there. A frightened waiter, when asked what to bring from the menu, received a stern answer from Morgunov: “What you see fit, I didn’t come here.” Catering staff did not offend the guest "during the performance" with an assortment of dishes and did not bother with requests to pay the bill.

>>364546 Скажи яндекс-переводчику, чтобы он чутка инглиша подучил, а то местами хуйню пишет.